How to use a dildo

Choosing the Right Dildo

The first thing to consider when shopping for a dildo is whether you want to use it for solo or partnered sex (or both). If you have a partner in mind who you’ll be using this dildo with, talk to them about their preferences for size, shape, material, color, and any other factors. You want both of you to be comfortable with the toy you’ll be using.

If you plan to use it mostly for solo sex (or just don’t have a partner in mind), choose based on your preferences. Some people like dildos that are flesh-colored for a realistic feel, while others like a fun color to reflect their style and set the tone for play. Consider a dildo with a suction cup mount for solo play. That way, you can stick it to just about any flat surface and try different positions without the help of a partner.

If you have no idea what you want, go for something average. Look for a piece about six inches long, not too thick in diameter (think of what size of penises, fingers, or other objects you normally use for penetration), and in a neutral color like black.

Material

Different Types of Dildo

Realistic Dildos

For some people, having a dildo that provides a life-like visual is important to their experience. Others prefer more stylized, abstract dildos. It all comes down to personal preference. For those looking for a realistic piece, they come in all sizes and shapes – there’s as much diversity as there is in actual penises. Some have balls, and the shafts come in curved or straight shapes. Realistic dildos often have texture or veins added, which can be pleasurable.

Glass Dildos

Glass dildos are often made to look more like works of art than being instantly recognizable as sex toys. Such an object of beauty can be aesthetically pleasing and help set a certain mood during sex. But glass dildos’ virtues don’t end there.

They’re very body safe, since they can be fully sterilized between uses. Glass is also a good material for temperature play. You can warm up or cool down the toy for different sensations during penetration – just make sure you take it slow, since genitals are very sensitive to temperature.

Anal dildos

These have a flared base to prevent them from getting lost or stuck inside the user’s body. Never use a toy for anal play that wasn’t designed for that purpose and that doesn’t have a flared base. With anal dildos, you’ll definitely want high-quality lube on hand (even more so than with other types of dildos). If you’re new to using dildos for anal play, we recommend starting with a small, thin toy and working your way up over time if desired.

Double-Ended Dildos

These dildos are extra-long, with a head at each end for penetration on both ends. You can use one on your own (for double penetration) or with a partner (with each partner penetrated simultaneously). For solo use, choose a flexible dildo so you can bend it to your shape. For partner use, you generally want a firmer one with enough stiffness for you both to be able to use it without it flopping around.

Large Dildos

If you consider yourself to be a size queen, large dildos are a good route to go. No matter how big you want, you can probably find it. We don’t generally recommend larger-than-life dildos for beginners, but it’s important to know your body and what you like. Just be sure to take it slow whenever you use them, especially as you’re getting used to the extra girth. And use lube!

Strap-Ons

Strap-ons can be a valuable sex toy for anyone, regardless of gender, sexuality, or body type. They can be used for vaginal, oral, anal, or solo sex, and can be enjoyed by people with penises and vaginas alike.

Buying a strap-on is a two-part decision because it involves selecting a harness and a dildo to wear in the harness. Harnesses come in underwear style or strap-on style (the strap-on style looks similar to the harness you’d wear when rock-climbing). Which is right for you and your partner depends on personal preference. Whichever you choose, make sure the harness fits snug. The closer the fit, the more control the wearer will have.

The strap-on style harness comes in a few different styles, but there are two most common types:

• Thong style: This has a thong strap that wraps between the wearer’s legs. It’s usually more comfortable if the wearer has a vulva.
• Jockstrap style: This is the classic jockstrap style people normally think of when they picture a strap-on harness. It has a strap around the waist and around each butt cheek. If the wearer has a penis, this is generally the more comfortable option for them.

If you have a specific partner in mind, talk to them and consider their body type while shopping. You’re both going to be using it, so it’s important that the style works for both of you.

Using a Dildo

Now that you’ve chosen your dildo, it’s time to take it for a spin. First, let’s go over the basics of how to use a dildo that don’t involve sex – we’re talking about cleaning, storing, and choosing lubricant to pair with your dildo. These are all important to keep your dildo in good condition and to keep your experience safe and fun.

Cleanliness

Read the cleaning instructions provided by the seller every time you buy a new dildo – the manufacturer can best tell you how to take care of your dildo. Some dildos can be sterilized via boiling, or run through the dishwasher, which is convenient. But when in doubt, use warm soapy water and dry thoroughly after each use.

Storage

Never put your dildo away until it’s completely dry – dildos are meant to be fun, and there’s less fun than a musty, mildewy dildo. Between uses, keep your dildo in a clean case to keep it safe from dust or grit. Most toy companies include a container, like a box or a drawstring bag, for this reason. Use it!

Lubricants

Unless you’re using a very small dildo or are a total pro, you’ll most likely need or want lubricant. We recommend always having it on hand just in case. Even if you don’t technically need it for penetration, lubricant enhances pleasure almost 100% of the time – and isn’t that what we’re after?

The type of lube you want depends on what your dildo is made of. Water-based lubricants are compatible with just about any material of toy. However, they wear off more frequently, so expect to re-apply as needed. Silicone and oil-based lubricants are thicker in texture and tend to last longer – but they’re not compatible with all toys.

• Use water-based lube for dildos made of: Rubber, jelly, TPE/TPR, and some silicone dildos
• Use silicone/oil-based lube for dildos made of: Metal, glass, plastic, and silicone dildos specifically made to be compatible with this type of lube. Never use silicone or oil-based lube on a silicone toy unless the manufacturer specifically says it’s safe to do so, or you’ll risk ruining your toy prematurely.

Different Ways to Use a Dildo

One of the most fun things about using a dildo is getting to experiment with different types of speed, pressure, and sensations during penetration. If you’re using your dildo with a partner, check in often. Unlike with a penis, when using a dildo the penetrator can’t feel how deep they are. This makes active communication extra important. Ask your partner what depth of penetration they’re enjoying and what types of movement feels good.

If you’re flying solo, go slow and experiment with different types of motions. Try fast or slow thrusting and deep or shallow penetration. If you have a dildo that’s compatible with it, it can be fun to experiment with different temperatures. Play around with positioning, and don’t forget to enjoy yourself!

Ready, set, go!

Now you’re armed with the knowledge you need to get out there and explore, whether it’s with a partner or on your own. If it feels a little unfamiliar, lean into the new experience. There’s a whole world of pleasure out there!

Frequently Asked Questions